The Summer I Never Saw Coming

As the realization that I go back to work on Wednesday starts to set in, I've found myself dwelling quite a bit on what transpired this summer.  The past two months are a bit difficult for me to put into words, especially since I rarely get so honest on this blog.  I'm going to give it my best shot. 

Back at the beginning of summer I made a summer bucket list of things I wanted to have done before summer was finished.  The bucket list included:

- Go to Waterworld and/or Elitches

- Climb two 14,000 mountains

- Take a road trip

- Finish at least one book each month

- Go swimming in a lake 

- Build a fire

I found my bucket list this week and got kind of depressed.  My summer is nearly over and I have done ZERO of those things.  I haven't taken the time or effort to follow my self-determined ideal summer plans.  

But looking back on this summer, I have discovered more about myself than I have in years.  This was the summer of doing things that scare me.  On the literal level, I jumped out of a plane and hoped I didn't die.  I didn't.  I went into the ocean and attempted some new sports, all with a debilitating fear of sharks.  And again, I didn't die.  

Most of all, this was the summer of facing the fears that I carry around within me.  You know, the really scary things.  Randomly, I decided to reach out to an ex-boyfriend who had really hurt my heart, and realized that time truly heals all things.  I finally had a difficult conversation with an old friend, and felt the weight of years of misunderstandings lifted from my shoulders.  Without preparation or preamble, I just let the past go.  And it didn't kill me. 

And last week, I faced my biggest fear to date - saying goodbye to DC.  Somewhere deep down, I have always felt guilty for leaving DC after college for a life in Denver.  I've beat myself up for not dreaming of a high powered job in DC, like so many others.  All my life, I've been at the front of the pack in terms of academics and international experiences.  Somewhere deep deep deep down, I have never forgiven myself for leaving everything DC has to offer and pursuing a common life in a Western town.  I have started to see myself as less unique in the past few years as I settle down with a dog and 401k.  But something happened to me during my trip to DC last week.  I was surrounded with young, bright professionals who have dynamic jobs and travel opportunities - but all I really wanted was to go home.  I didn't feel an infectious energy like I had in the past.  The kind of energy that had always got under my skin and worked its way into my brain, reminding me that I don't have clearance for any important upcoming press conferences or legislative meetings or international aid program launches.  What's wrong with me? I mean, even my parents met as nonprofit workers in DC! But this time, something changed in me unexpectedly.  And as I sat on the metro, surrounded by young professionals - who I am sure were staring at my outfit and wondering how I could possibly convert that hemline from daytime to nighttime - I realized that while thriving in DC is a big dream for so many people, leaving DC was the right choice for me.  It's ok to love DC, but not belong there.  Where I live doesn't define my potential, and I can always get back to being the incredibly successful and unique person that I always thought I was before I left DC.  I might not work somewhere cool like USAID, but I know that professionally I'm needed and wanted and important every.single.day. - which is pretty damn awesome.  I know that I am an exceptional leader and I need to figure out exactly what that means in Denver.  I never expected to process this during my summer, but I have, and I survived. 

So, I haven't accomplished one single thing from my original summer bucket list.  However, I have accomplished EVERY SINGLE ONE of the things on this bucket list!

- Build a neighborhood community of dog lovers, which pretty much is the best thing ever

- Buy a new car

- Start Bear in agility classes

- Run a triathlon (next week)

- Ask out a guy I'd been eyeing

- Go skydiving

- Attempt to paddle board and surf

- See all the friends I love

- Bury the past

- Allow myself to not want to live in DC

It wasn't the original bucket list, but side-by-side the original bucket list looks pretty traditional and mundane.  That's probably why I didn't do any of those things.  Apparently, I was craving a scarier summer.  But I attacked the things that scared me most, and guess what - it didn't kill me.  In fact, I loved it.

I Went Sky-y-y-diving!

There is no such thing as a traditional trip to visit Nadia, because Nadia is not a traditional friend.  She loves to question me, challenge me, and never takes no for an answer.  For some reason, I always find myself partaking in dangerous athletic activities when we are together.  The scars down my body reflect my many outdoor adventures with the Brouillette family - and no one will ever forget the time Nadia smacked me in the head with her paddle while rafting some pretty precarious rapids. 

During a conversation about our bucket lists*, I mentioned that I've always wanted to go skydiving.  It was music to Nadia's ears.  Within 24 hours, I was being belted into a harness by my petit-sized skydiving instructor, Dustin Swagger (legal name). 

*Quick aside about bucket lists.  I have always thought the term referred to actual buckets that cute old people carried around the nursing home that were full of  trinkets of their life experiences.  When I heard that a bucket list is a list of things to do before you "kick the bucket", I was horrified.  What a downer! I'm sticking with my darling old people and their buckets. 

So, I went skydiving with Dustin.  When I questioned the fact that I didn't go through any training beforehand Dustin explained that no one ever remembers that training once they leap out of a plane at 13,000 feet, so he skipped it.  Awesome, I thought. 

When I say that I went skydiving with Dustin, I really mean that my hair and I went skydiving with Dustin.  

True, wearing a hairnet could have been a good idea for me, but then we would never have got these pictures!  Thanks for being a sport, Dustin.  

Here's to things that challenge you, experiences that you'll never get over, and friends who won't take no for an answer. 

Here's a video of the jump too!

VTS 01 1 from Emily Broyles on Vimeo.

Goodbye Old Friend

Last week I had to say goodbye to a very close friend of mine.  My Subaru.  

The Subaru was my high school car and I drove it for 12 years.  I learned to drive stick on this car when I was 15.  I would never just go out looking to replace my darling car, but the Subaru was starting to show its age.  It had a tendency to die while I was driving it at high speeds.  And the air conditioning and defrost were gone. The car shook like crazy when I decelerated, which hinted to me that there might be issues with the brakes.  The radiator just broke. 

And then there was, of course, the lasting damage to the body work from where my charming ex-boyfriend shot up my car during college.  

Needless to say, there was some pressure on me to find a little something safer and more comfortable.  Which I'm pretty sure is any other car. 

I found Eloise very quickly.  I saw her online and Jeff helped me buy her the next day.  They say true love happens that way sometimes.  Eloise is a 2011 Ford Escape.  White.  With a manual transmission.  Apparently it is really rare to find an Escape with a manual transmission, so I feel extra lucky.  This car is a beauty and reminds me of how fun driving can be.  Plus, Bear seems to enjoy a smoother drive - he doesn't get jerked out of his seat anymore, which is nice. 

I'm not going to lie, I cried when I heard that my best bet was to trade in my Subaru that day.  I hadn't had any time to say goodbye!  But the $500 the dealership was offering me was probably the best I would get.  Ironically, I bought the Subaru from my parents for $500 in college.  Deal!

So, goodbye dear Subaru.  My companion from ages 15-27.  We've seen a lot.  You drove me cross country to college in DC - twice.  You carried home Christmas trees, and one time we had to use wine bottles to scrape the ice off your tires.  You brought home both Marley and baby Bear Broyles.  You drove me to my interview at Aurora West.  We explored Moab and Arkansas and Kansas.  You were the scene of some first kisses - and last kisses.  Fights and screams and complete breakdowns.  Your tape deck and rubbed off radio buttons never left me down.  So yes, goodbye old friend. 

But can I say HELLO beautiful Eloise!?  Here's to the next 12 years of my driving career!

I'm learning that change is a good thing.  A little bittersweet at times, but definitely a good thing.